he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
The air taste purple.
Randomize
