And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
