I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You need a sexual gate keeper
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
