I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
