im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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