capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
