She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
