im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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