Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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