Tell her she can't have a vagina
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
