My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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