Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
