i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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