Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
