I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
