So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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