yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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