Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
