she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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