I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
