What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
