my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
