that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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