Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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