i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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