I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
