can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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