just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
