Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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