just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
