No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
