im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
