At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
