i don't like sucking hair
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
