Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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