You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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