1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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