They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You smell like a Billy Joel song
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
