Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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