I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
