I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
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