Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
