So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
