I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
