I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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