You can't motorboat a personality
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
