if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
