Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
