I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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