In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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