Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
