Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
