i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
